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http://sweetdreamscarson.blogspot.com/

6 weeks later...

The previous blog post was written just after Sawyer was born, I've since had some time to reflect on things, think about things, start to heal emotionally and physically (ya know, when I'm not running around like a chicken with its head cut off because being a mommy is BUSY!) so here are some musings from the past 6 weeks...writing helps me heal, so some of them might be a little..uhm...bitchy...and kinda scattered too.

The doctor who did my c-section was an ass. He was perfectly nice the first time we met (all of 20 minutes before the c-section) other than the acting like I might die if I don't have a c-section because who could possibly push out a baby bigger than 7.5 lbs...but the truth is, he was an ass. Sawyer was born on a Saturday, on Sunday a different OB from the same practice came to check my incision/check on me (he was really nice, he was honestly the only person I'd felt had listened to anything I was saying up until this point. He seemed genuinely sympathetic that I'd not gotten a vbac and when I explained-and I don't think I was even particularly nice about it-that I was full on pissed that I pretty much felt like I'd been lied to my entire pregnancy because it really seemed like they had no intention of ever letting me try for a vabc, he seemed to actually care that I was upset by the whole thing) ok so anyway, on Sunday the nice OB checked my incision, looked over my chart, asked how I was doing and said "do you want to go home tomorrow?" to which I responded that I thought I was required to stay for 3 days for a c-section, but if they were willing to let me go after 2 days, I would really love to. I missed my own bed and my own [crappy] apartment (no seriously, I can't wait to move, but its better than the hospital) and most of all, I missed my very sweet little 2 year old and I wanted to be home with him. Nice OB said that as long as my incision still looked just as good the next day, I could totally go home. So the next day, Monday, scalpel wielding OB [aka OB who did my c-section] was supposed to come check my incision and either discharge me or not...so its getting later and later and I still haven't been checked on. The nurse came in around 2 or 3 and asked if the OB had been in and I said no, he hadn't. She seemed shocked and mentioned that he'd been there bunches of times that day checking on people [apparently I'd been forgotten about] she came back a little later to tell me she called and he said he'd be over in about an hour. 2 hours later....the OB finally comes in, he stayed for literally like a minutes (no seriously, Bryan went into the bathroom to pee, the OB got there and left before he came out...it was THAT fast) so he comes, does the quickest, roughest check of my incision ever, says "I hear you want to go home" I said yea nice OB from yesterday said I might be able to, I'd love to see my other son. He rips off the dressing from my 2 days old wound without even warning me (OUCH!) then says ok I'll have the nurse come take out your staples and get your out of here...and gone. no "do you have any questions" or "are you healing ok?" or "how are you feeling?" I'd like to know the the F happened to his obnoxiously sweet bedside manner that was present when trying to get me to agree to the c-section..because clearly it no longer existed now that he'd gotten his way and I'd had a c-section...yep, he was an ass.

On the bright side, the anesthesiologist who did my spinal, was seriously one of my most favoritest people ever. 1: he had nothing to do with the forcing of the c-section, he wasn't called in until I'd already signed consent, so I hold him no ill will regarding that. 2: he was freaking hilarious. I don't do needles, and I especially don't do needles shoved up my spine. I was terrified. When I got the epidural with Carson I was having contractions so intense that I was crying through them, so I didn't have the mental capability to feel the epi, I was already in too much pain for it to matter. This time I was literally shaking in fear of getting the spinal and instead of treating my like a pincushion (see Sawyer's birth story to hear my opinions on being a pincushion) he actually cared to calm me down. He was happy and joking with Bryan and I through the whole c-section. He was the kind of person I would expect to meet working in a labor and delivery unit, if every person who worked in L&D had his kind of attitude, I think a lot less people would have crappy experiences. Just wanted you all to know that I don't think EVERYONE there sucked (just most of them)

When Sawyer was 9 days old I was instructed to remove the steri strips from my incision...when I did, I found that they'd left a staple. I know it was an accident...but it was like pouring salt into my [not yet nearly healed] wounds. I had been feeling like the incision hurt WAY more this time than it did with Carson, but had chalked it up to the fact that last time I didn't have a 2 year old to care for. Nope, it was that staple. I felt near immediate relief when it was taken out. I mean, the thing still hurt, but like I remembered it hurting last time...as in I didn't feel like crying every time I moved. So that sucked. Then when he was 3 weeks old I had a superficial tear in my incision. The very top layer of skin separated and bled a bit. That also sucked, they told me I was overdoing it, I asked them exactly how they'd like me to do less when I was home all day with a 2 year old to look after all by myself. I did PLENTY of sitting on my butt letting that kid destroy things so I wouldn't hurt myself, but honestly there are just times when your 2 year old is NOT listening to the word 'no' and is doing something potentially dangerous and you have no choice but to physically remove the kid from the situation. Sorry, but if the choice is hurting myself or my kid getting hurt, I choose hurting myself, every time. I'd like to send this paragraph to the OB who said a c-section was more convenient. Then I'd like to give him a 2 year old to look after for a day all by himself with the explicit instructions that he is absolutely not to pick the kid up. I'd like to see the look on his face when he realizes this means 1. you can't go anywhere because you can't lift the kid into the carseat 2. you can't go to the park 200 feet from your apartment because you can't lift the kid onto the swings and he's not tall enough to get up himself 3. 2 year olds don't always listen to 'no' they also tend to act out when they suddenly have a second human being vying for their mommy's attention that used to be solely theirs, so sometimes they destroy stuff and there is NOTHING you can do about it. I'd also like him to have the pain that comes along with an abdominal incision while he tries to make lunch for one kid while holding the baby. Yea...or people could just learn to keep their mouths shut instead of telling people not to over do it when they have no freaking idea what their talking about. My new feeling is that anyone who either doesn't have a uterus or has never had theirs cut open, does NOT get an opinion.

People CAN give birth to big babies. the 'average' size for a baby (as in 50th%ile) is 7.5 lbs. Do you know that that means that 50% of babies are bigger? (just like 50% are smaller) for people that obviously must be smart as they've gone through medical school, sometimes they are seriously idiots....ANY baby bigger than the 50th%ile is considered big, but that means 50% of babies are big...I'm pretty sure that people have been pushing out big babies for oh, all of time? The woman who owns the local yarn shop around here had an almost 12 lb baby naturally, and she's a small woman. Her daughter had a baby a week before me, also and Eugene (but not the midwives I saw, she saw the OB office that ended up doing my c-section. Her baby was born vaginally at 11 lbs 3 oz and when he came out the OB said "its a good thing we didn't do a late ultrasound because I would have insisted on a c-section for size" yep, there is a serious issue with the birthing process if a woman clearly can give birth naturally to big babies (her first was 10 something) but they would insist on a c-section for a big baby. The only reason doctors don't think women can have bigger babies is because they never let them, so they think they can't do it. The concern with big babies is shoulder distocia (the shoulders getting stuck) but the actual medical data supports the fact that shoulder distocia is more common in smaller babies who are induced than bigger babies who's mothers go into labor spontaneously...this is because even though an induced baby might be smaller, it is generally not ready to be born, labor goes more quickly than it would naturally and the baby doesn't get the chance to turn correctly in the birth canal so it gets stuck. A baby who's mother goes into labor spontaneously is less likely to have shoulder distocia because it can correctly maneuver itself on the way out. The medical data totally back this up and yet OBs still think that people can't have big babies because they've never seen it..the OB who delivered the yarn shop lady's daughter said to another OB after the baby was born "I just delivered an 11 lb baby...vaginally!" with all the awe of a kid who just tried candy for the first time...like OMG how amazing is that!?! and the other OB was similarly awestruck. And yet the data shows that [when not induced] bigger babies generally come out on their own without much trouble versus smaller babies who were induced so they wouldn't get too big...see what I mean about really stupid smart people? They call birth the ordinary miracle, and it is...but maybe its also just ordinary and should be treated as such. People seem to treat birth like a medical problem that OB's need to 'fix' like they need to have the OB deliver their baby...but the truth is, people have been having babies since the beginning of time and except in rare cases, nothing needs to be helped or fixed. Other first world countries seem to be able to have babies with WAY fewer c-sections and way fewer deaths (both mom and baby) than the US...maybe its because we treat birth like a problem that needs to be fixed.

If I've learned anything from the whole thing, its this:
If we ever have another baby, and that is a really big 'if', I will be prepared. With Carson I prepared myself for a natural birth, nothing else was an option. And when I ended up with a (completely actually necessary) c-section, it was a let down. In case anyone is wondering, with Carson I developed a high fever 28 hours after my water had broken the fever was caused by something called choreamnioitis (choreo) which is an infection of the uterus, after making no more progress for the next couple hours after developing choreo, the risk of the infection transferring to Carson was too high to continue labor that looked like it wasn't going to progress, so his c-section was totally necessary. With Sawyer I *thought* that I'd truly prepared for everything. I was hopeful that I'd have a successful vbac, but I was realistic about the fact that I might have another necessary c-section, that the same thing that happened with Carson could happen, any other number of things could go wrong that would require a c-section. I was prepared for that. I was NOT prepared for what happened. So, if we ever have another baby I will either find someone who has a record of successful vbacs of bigger babies, who I believe is answering me honestly when I tell them about Sawyer and flat out ask "is this going to be what happens with you?" and I will hire a doula OR I will decide on a scheduled c-section, but it will be MY choice, and I'll own that choice and I wont have to feel like anybody made it but me. But above all else, I will absolutely be prepared.

Also, in case anyone has any friends who have c-sections in the future, here is something you shouldn't say to them:

"well at least you didn't have to push a baby out you-know-where" well actually, yea the pushing part probably sucks (not that I'd know) and if you tear that is probably plenty painful. BUT I would bet that if you asked ANYONE who's had both a natural delivery and c-section, that they were recovered from the natural delivery much faster than the c-section. I would absolutely trade the [what I'm sure is excruciating] pain of pushing a kid out for the also excruciating recovery from a c-section.

But most importantly out of everything...even though I still believe that I should be able to have a healthy baby AND a birthing experience that I'm happy with....I would've done absolutely anything to have my sweet baby Sawyer; be it pushing him out or being sliced open.

Sawyer's Birth Story

Its taken some time for me to even be ready to post this and put it all out there, but this is Sawyer's birth story as I wrote it when he was just a few days old...

Sawyer’s birth story starts a long time before his actual birth. When I first found out I was pregnant with Sawyer, I spoke to the OB who delivered Carson about the possibility of a vbac. The OB office said that I was probably a pretty decent candidate for a vbac, being that my issue was uterine infection and not something like getting to 10 cm and the baby being too big to push out (as this would make the chances of a successful vbac less likely) but because they were a smaller practice at a hospital with a smaller nicu, they very rarely take vbac patients and pretty much they only take “sure thing” vbacs, like a mom who never labored the first time but had a c-section for something like a transverse or breech baby.

So I sought a second opinion at a midwifery an hour away in Eugene. I went to my consultation appointment with them, with all of my records from Carson’s birth, and they told me I was a good candidate for vbac. I asked about their procedures for vbac patients and mentioned that I would not be willing to discuss a repeat c-section until 41 weeks along unless there was some medical reason to do one prior (like a problem with that baby or my health) they agreed to this. With everything seemingly all figured out, I transferred my care to them from the OB I saw with Carson.

My pregnancy went relatively unremarkably. I had a lot of morning sickness, just like I’d had with Carson, but aside from that Sawyer and I were very healthy the whole time. I did have a couple of extra ultrasounds toward the end of my pregnancy just to check on his size, he was measuring on the big side, which was to be expected since Carson was 9 lbs 3 oz and Bryan and I are both tall people.

Suddenly at my 39 week prenatal appointment, the midwife said they wanted me to schedule a c-section for my due date. I declined and said that from the beginning we had discussed not even talking about a repeat c-section until 41 weeks since Carson was overdue and there is really no medical reason for one. I was quite shocked that they even mentioned it, and especially shocked that they seemed to be really pushing for it. I was told that the baby was measuring big (no surprise) but as he and I were healthy I saw no reason for a scheduled elective c-section. I even asked them if I were a first time mom or a mom who’d previously had a vaginal delivery rather than a c-section if they’d even be considering a c-section, they said no. So truly the only reason for a c-section was that I’d had one before, which sort of begged the question of why the heck they took me as a vbac patient in the first place…

At 40 weeks they did an NST, which Sawyer passed with flying colors, he and I were both extremely healthy, but again because he was big, they were really pushing for c-section. I told them I would speak with the OB about it at the appointment I had scheduled with him the following Tuesday (at 40 weeks 6 days) as planned if I had not gone into labor before that. They insisted on changing my appointment to Friday (40 weeks 2 days) without asking me, they just said “this is when your appointment is” unfortunately for them, living an hour away, having only one car and a husband in school and a 2 year old to look after, I couldn’t’ just drop everything to come in when they scheduled me (without asking if it worked) and I told them so, they were less than pleased.

On Saturday, April 23^rd, I woke up just before 4 am and my water broke. My water GUSHED. It was like in the movies. When my water broke with Carson it was an audible ‘pop’ followed by a small trickle…with Sawyer it was a full on flood that didn’t ever seem to end (which I later found out was because he was not engaged at all like Carson, so Carson’s head had acted like a stopper letting only a tiny bit out).

I was group b strep positive again, as I had been with Carson, so off to the hospital we went. For the hour long car ride there I had pretty consistent contractions at 5-6 minutes apart. When we got to the hospital they slowed to more like 7-8 minutes.

The nurse came in as started trying to get my IV started, except I have terrible veins. She tried a few times to get an IV placed with no success, then the midwife came in, without even having checked me yet to see if I was decently dilated she started talking c-section. I still can’t even put into words what I was feeling then aside from what the hell. The midwife tried to get my IV placed, and also failed. She said she was going to go check on another patient while another nurse came to try to place my IV and she would be back once it was in to check me for dilation.

An hour and multiple unsuccessful IV attempts later, the midwife came back, clearly annoyed at how long it was taking to get the IV (she even mentioned she’d been waiting an hour and needed to get back over to the birth center to check on a patient laboring there—its just down the street) honestly at that point I wanted to scream at her that I’d gladly be the one standing around waiting an hour then the one being treated like a pin cushion, but I behaved myself and didn’t say that.

At this point my IV is finally placed (I had been poked 14 times to get an IV placed and blood drawn successfully) and the midwife says to me that she’s spoken with the on call OB, as is standard with a vbac patient, and he is not at all comfortable with me being vbac patient, that he would require internal monitoring rather than external, and that he would want me to have an epidural were I to continue to try to labor, but he would really like me to just have a c-section. I decline the epidural (and I’m pretty sure I said something along the lines of over my dead body am I getting an epidural) but if it meant that I could get up and move around and it would get them off my back I’d agree to the internal monitoring.

The midwife also tells me that unless I agree to a c-section the on call OB refuses to even see me unless she was transferring my care from her to him because I was scheduled for a c-section on the 18^th that I didn’t show up for and I was scheduled for an appointment the day before (Friday) that I had cancelled. I quickly informed her that not only would I ABSOLUTELY NEVER have agreed to an elective c-section BEFORE my due date, I was unaware that one had even been scheduled, if I’d known that I’d have told them to kiss my ass because it was not something I was agreeing to without medical reason. And that I didn’t schedule the Friday appointment, it was scheduled for me and unless I was in labor, I could not stop my life to make that appointment time, my husband would be missing enough school when the baby actually came and I couldn’t have him missing more school for any appointment they never even asked me if I could make. She said “so from your perspective you didn’t think you needed to show up to your scheduled c-section” it was everything I had in me not to scream almost every profanity I know at her…but my two year old was in the room, so I simply said that no, not “from my perspective” I did NOT schedule it, and whoever took it upon themselves to schedule it NEVER told me they had (trust me they’d have heard about it) and then I held up my chart for her and pointed out where SHE wrote at my 39 week appointment that “patient declines c-section prior to 4/26” so CLEARLY I didn’t agree to a c-section on the 18^th. And I let her know that I really couldn’t care less if the OB came in, I did not need him to give birth to my child, I thought that’s why I had a midwife. Oh and the part where I had my 40 week prenatal appointment on the 19^th and there was no mention of the c-section that I’d apparently never shown up for.

Then she checked me. I was only 1-2 cm. She tried to place the internal monitor but it came back with blood in it (likely from my not-very-dilated cervix) she got a new one and tried again. The same thing happened. At this point she told me that she would not try again and that because I wasn’t contracting regularly and barely dilated she would normally recommend pitocin but would not give me pitocin without the internal monitoring, which she was not going to try to do again. She wanted me to agree to have the c-section.

Basically she said that

*I probably wouldn’t go into full on labor without pitocin

*she would not give me pitocin without internal monitoring

*she couldn’t do internal monitoring, she was refusing to try again

*If I would not agree to the c-section I was pretty much on my own because she would not do anything whatsoever to alter my labor and she did not want me to vbac.

At this point the only reasons for a c-section is that the baby is big, I had a c-section last time, and so far (the whole 2 hours or so since my water broke) it looked like things were going the same way as with Carson so the labor would “probably” be long and would “probably” end in a c-section anyway…so not real reasons, medically speaking. I flat out told her that if there was anything wrong with Sawyer's or my health that I would be the first one to say ok lets have a c-section, but if we were both healthy than there was no reason for one, she assured me we were both still healthy.

I had been a pin cushion for ever an hour, not had a whole lot of sleep, my husband was busy with a rambunctious 2 year old because my parents were still on their way to pick him up (they live far away) and I was pretty much being told agree to a c-section or be on my own. She asked me again to agree to the c-section and I told her I really needed to think about it, I wasn’t going to agree to it yet.

My monitors kept slipping because I was moving around to try to accommodate how they wanted my arms to get a better shot at a successful blood draw. At this point the nurse turns to me assures me that even though the baby’s hr monitor keeps slipping to the 60’s, the baby was not actually having hr issues, the monitor had slipped and was picking up my hr, she then showed me where if showed the dips in Sawyer’s hr and that at the same times they were the same as my hr so he was for sure not having any issues.

The midwife left for about 3 minutes, at the same time my parents showed up, before they even had a chance to take Carson and give Bryan and I a few minutes to ourselves for me to try to process if I wanted to go on with labor or give up, the midwife came back along with the OB, who apparently was told I had agreed to the c-section, even though I absolutely had not. My mom mentions something about the baby sounding great (she could hear him on the now correctly adjusted monitors) and the midwife says “no actually, it doesn’t, its dipped down to the 60s a few times” which was blatantly untrue as I’d just been told minutes before that he was fine and that was my hr on the monitor. [I’ve since seen my records and there is no mention of fetal distress of dips in his hr of any kind, so she was clearly trying to play on my parents emotions to convince me of the c-section]

The OB starts talking about the c-section, I’m bawling my eyes out because it is not what I want and I’m in labor and I feel like nobody is listening to me and everybody is talking to me like a child. This part is honestly a bit of a blur, I just remember vaguely him going over all the ‘reasons’ I should have a c-section. The OB said something about going to start getting ready for the c-section and at this point the nurse must’ve mentioned that she didn’t think I’d actually agreed to a c-section, because he came back over to me and goes “just so we’re on the same page here, you have decided to do the c-section, right?”

I was sitting there, crying so hard, and wishing that I could just have a few minutes by myself to think, and that everyone would stop treating me like I didn’t know anything, and I lost all will to fight for myself. On the inside I was screaming for my parents to go deal with Carson so Bryan could actually be involved and help me (he was busy keeping Carson away from where the nurses had a plethora of needles and everything going on for the blood draw) and for the midwife and OB to leave the hell alone to think and for them to just give me an hour to see if there was any change or progress or anything. I had my parents sitting with me, who clearly thought that the doctors know best and I should agree to the c-section (which I kinda get since the midwife had lied to them and said Sawyer’s hr was dipping even though it wasn’t) in my head I said all the right things, but on the outside all I could do was sob and wish someone would get that they really needed to let the woman who was in labor and SOBBING to just have a minute….but they didn’t and as hard as I tried it was like I just could not get the words out…I agreed to the c-section.

My parents took Carson to the waiting room and the OB, nurses, and midwife all went into getting ready for a c-section mode. I cried a little more, texted a few people to let them know what was going on, and I was taken back to the OR.

I was given a spinal and as soon as I was numb and everything was set up, Bryan was allowed to come back. They ended up having to use the vacuum to get him out, which I’m still kinda pissed about, I mean I don’t totally understand the exact logistics of how they do the c-section, but I’d think they’d just be able to make a little bit bigger incision to get the baby out, its not the same as a vaginal birth where the birth canal is only so big…but anyway. At 10:11am Sawyer Isaiah was born, weighing 10 lbs 7 oz and 22 inches long. He was allowed to stay with me in the OR while I got stitched up, it was something I insisted on, I was supposed to get to hold him but I was so itchy and shaky from the spinal that I was afraid I’d drop him so Bryan just held him right next to me.

We went back to the recovery room after I was stitched up and he was placed on my chest to nurse, which he did amazingly well! A little while later we went to the post partum room and my parents brought Carson in. He is absolutely enamored with his new baby brother.

I am still getting over the whole thing, to be honest, I’m still just mad about the whole thing, and people keep telling me that at least I have a healthy baby, and I really am thankful for that, but I don’t feel like those two things—a healthy baby and a birth I’m happy with—have to be mutually exclusive of each other.

I’ll always have to wonder if I could have done it, and that sucks. And I’ll always have to live with the fact that I should have stood up for myself and asked for more time, for an hour even, just to see what my body might do, to see if it would have been different than last time…but I didn’t stand up for myself, and that’s one of the worst feelings in the world.

And after the fact, I found out that my medical records say that it was an elective c-section with no labor, I can’t really put into words how much that upsets me because it proves that there really was no reason for the c-section.

Oh the things my 2 year old says

So I post on facebook pretty frequently about the funny things that Carson says, so here they are, in all their silly, cute, smarty pants glory :)

Ok, Ok, this was was from like 5 days before he turned 2...
On the potty: (he's totally squeezing himself)
"pee pee come out!" apparently he thinks you have to squeeze the pee out with your hands
"pee pee turn on!"
"pee pee not working!" *angry toddler face*
more squeezing
..."pee pee come out!!!!"
and then...pee, all over my bathroom floor, not so much actually into the potty...dang boys and their "aim" or lack thereof..at least he tried!

So Bryan and I are joking around and he says something silly, to which I reply "your face" so he says "your mom" and Carson goes "your Carson!"
apparently he felt left out lol

Carson: "Where my keys?"
...finds keys...picks up a bag...
"Carson go knitting night all by self"
...walks to the door and tries to leave.
Yep, apparently if I am not home it means I am at knit night, and he decided he needed to join me lol (I was actually at a dr. appt)

Carson: I want to read this book
Me: ok, we can read that book as soon as you let me change your diaper
Carson: I read it myself!
Then he walked away....

Carson: what's that?
Me: zucchini and yellow zucchini and corn
Carson: I don't like it
Me: Carson its yummy, you love vegetables
Carson: Oh! Its vegables? I like vegables! I eat it?
Me: yes Carson you get to eat it when its all finished cooking
Carson: yay vegables! I eat when all finish cooking!

Carson: I pregnant!
Me: You're pregnant? I thought mommy was pregnant.
Carson: Oh yea, mommy pregnant, I not pregnant...that's silly.

clearly we live in a place with no sun....in the car today:
Carson: Mommy, its bright!
Me: Sorry Carson, cover your eyes
Carson: Mommy its bright! Turn it off!
Me: Carson, cover your eyes, we're almost home
...Carson: Mommy its bright! it hurts my eyes! Turn it off!
yep, we live in the land of no sun ever

So we put Carson to bed tonight, and a little while later he came downstairs...so we took him back to bed...and a little while after that I see the tiniest piece of his face peeking around the corner on the stairs like he's wondering if he'll get caught...then he sees that I see him and comes out from behind the corner and announces "...I nakey!"
at least he left the diaper on....

ahh bedtime...so we went through the usual put Carson to bed, he gets up, put him back to bed, etc...we're sitting downstairs and we hear little feet, expecting to see a 2 year old round the corner any minute...and nothing. silence. So Bryan goes up to check, but Carson is not in his room, so Bryan goes to our room, where Carson is sitting on our bed, in the dark, holding the remote and trying to turn on the tv...the next night the same thing happened, except that this time he turned the tv on, navigated his way through on demand, and turned on Special Agent Oso...

Daddy: What are you cutting up for Carson? Is that a peach?
Carson: Its called a Nectarine, Daddy! Its called a nectarine!! (he continued this for the following 5 minutes as he ate the nectarine)

Carson: C starts Carson!
Me: good job Carson! do you know how we spell Carson?
Carson: Cc-ah-errr-sss-ooo-nnnn
thats right, he spells it by saying the letter sounds lol (he has since learned to spell out his name by saying C-a-r-s-o-n instead of the letter sounds)

Carson: Mommy I hungry, I want jellybeans
Me: If you're hungry you need to eat real food, jelly beans wont make you full. Are you hungry?
Carson: No, I not hungry, I full. I want jellybeans.
because logically, if jellybeans will not make you full, and you have to eat real food when you're hungry, then you should eat jellybeans when you're already full....

It's been a busy week.

Happy belated Mother's Day to all the wonderful mamas out there! We had a really fun, pretty laid back mother's day. Bryan and Carson got up in the morning and went to the store while I slept, they both got me really cute cards :) Then we went out to lunch at Cafe Yumm! which was delicious, followed by getting frozen yogurt at yogurt extreme. We let Carson try the frozen yogurt in a sample cup and he thought it was oh so yummy and kept asking for more so we decided to get him his own cup with just a tiny bit of frozen yogurt and a bunch of fruit (you fill it up yourself at yogurt extreme so we could get him just a few bites of yogurt with lots of fruit) well apparently frozen yogurt is only good when it comes from a sample cup because the kid refused to eat it from a spoon, instead he ate his fruit and then "painted" on the table with his then melted frozen yogurt and his spoon...thank goodness for baby wipes!

At lunch:


"painting" with melted frozen yogurt:




During the week we spend a lot of time at school, and the means a lot of time away from Carson. We try to make up for it by making sure our time at night and on the weekends is fun time, so here is a little look into what our nights look like around here :)

Carson likes to climb, particularly he likes to climb on US!


Then he realizes that mommy has a camera, that means its time to attack mommy!


Then he decides that maybe tackling daddy was more fun


UP Mommy!


"Up-down mommy!" that means upside down, for those of your who don't speak toddler


Then after bathtime he get a bedtime diaper, and decides he wants to wear his boots before I even have a chance to get jammies on him, oh well little toddler, go for it!


So this fashion show business, I know, I know, everyone wants to see pictures, so here they are...finally its over, maybe my life can calm down a tiny bit...probably not though...

Collection #1, this is a collection of knitwear, it started from an assignment in advanced apparel and went from there, its strange, I know, but so am I :) And yes, I would have them wear converse, thats how I like it. One day, when I make it big and I get to show at NY fashion week (if that ever happens) my girls are going to rock the cons.

Lydia: (this is the outfit that started it all)


Thihi:


Leann:


Collection #2, this is a collection of dresses based on a content analysis I did on fashion magazines from the spring of 1965, I will be submitting this collection to ITAA in hopes of winning a $6000 grant for graduate school, wish me luck! Oh, I also made the jewelry :)

Emilie:


Lauren:


Noelle:


Molly (my favorite!):

Carson Makes Me Smile

Well, most of the time anyway :) He's at this age where I don't think he got the memo that he's not 2 yet, that mommy and daddy aren't ready for 2 yet, but he seems to think he is. I keep trying to remind myself that for every time that he tells me no and screams at me or turns into a wet noodle on the floor crying, there is also a time or two (or three) that he is laughing with me and playing with me and making me smile :)

Like the other day. Carson likes to have all his ducks in a row.


And we bought him some rain boots finally (do you know how hard it is to find rain boots smaller than a size 6? Its dang near impossible!) Carson is obsessed with them. Its really cute. If he isn't wearing them he will go around the apartment saying "Boot! Boot shoe! Boot on!" until I put them on him. He also really likes to wear his jacket. A couple of days ago we were getting ready to go to the store. It was nice out so Carson was just wearing one of those shorts onsie things, you know looks like a onsie but shorts...anyway, I told him to go get his shoes and he looks at me and says "boot shoes?" like "please mommy, don't make me wear tennis shoes or sandals, I want to wear my boots!" so I said ok Carson, go get your boots, to which he replied "YEA! BOOTS!" and ran off to get them. He toddles back over to me, boots in hand and we put them on, so now I have a toddler in shorts and rain boots on the sunniest day of the year. So he knows that if I tell him to get his shoes that means we must be going somewhere (althogh he also wears his boots around the apartment frequently just because he asks to) so he hops off my lap and says "Outside! Go!" yes Carson, we'll go in just a second, mommy and daddy have to put on their shoes too. "YEA! GO!" and off to the front door he goes. So he opens the front door (thank goodness for the screen door that he can't open yet) and stands there saying "go go go" and then a few seconds later he realizes he doesn't have his coat on (even though its hot and he doesn't need it) so he comes back from the door and says "jacket" but Carson its warm out, you don't need your jacket. "JACKET! JACKET! ON! GO!" Ok Carson, I guess you can wear your jacket, and on his jacket went. So we went to the store with a baby wearing shorts, a jacket, and rain boots :)

Someone point me in the direction of this post when Carson is on my very last nerve because he's having a melt down for no reason and throwing a temper tantrum because well, he's a toddler and they do that sometimes....

Someone showed me this video awhile ago, its fitting I think :)

Spring Fashion Show

Every spring there is a fashion show at school. It is restricted to juniors and seniors in the apparel design program. I signed up to do it last year as a junior, but then dropped out as trying to create an entire apparel line while adjusting to life as a mom was just too overwhelming and taking care of my newborn and keeping my grades up in my actual classes were way higher on my list of priorities. Well this year I've decided that its my senior year and I'm going out with a bang. I have 2 collections that will be in the show. The first is a Jackie O. inspired line of dresses, coincidentally this collection will also be entered into an ITAA competition for a graduate grant (wish me luck!) My second line is well, I don't even know what to call it...how about Stephanie is insane for agreeing to add a second line just weeks before garments are due...we had this assignment in advanced apparel where we were assigned a beetle and had to research it and then use that for our inspiration. Well my outfit turned out totally rad and I really wanted to use it (don't worry it doesn't look like a beetle!) I too my inspiration from the colors of the beetle (red, black, and lime green) the fact that it has stripes, and its warm weather climate to crate some yoga waisted black leggings with carefully place applied red stripes with lime topstitching, a red sweetheart neck halter, again with the lime stitching, and a black and red color block tee with more applied stripes. Pictures to come when everything is actually sewn and finished and pretty, right now its crunch time, trying to get everything sewn and perfect by May 3rd when garments are due....It's going to be a long week with a lot of late nights sewing....

Someone remind me that I'm doing this for a reason, please.

Remember that time a couple of weeks ago when I actually updated my blog after forever and a day, and then I promised to update it more frequently? Well I still promise to try to update it as often as possible, but let me tell you a little bit about my life, then maybe if I don't update it you'll understand and you won't totally be bummed that I not being a very good promise keeper.

We have officially made it through week #1 of spring term! In case you were wondering, I'm taking twenty credits. Am I crazy? Most likely. Is this going to be tough? I'm betting yes. But am I doing this for a reason? Absolutely. Before Bryan and I moved down here, I had taken some classes at both PSU and PCC, when we came here exactly none of my credits transferred as anything other than electives, of which I actually need none in my program (talk about a waste of time and money) I was able to petition a few of them and get 2 classes to count for something (that is 2 classes-6 credits-out of 12 classes and 45 credits...can't tell you how glad I am that I went to PSU and PCC...not!) so anyway between basically nothing transferring and you know, that whole throwing up ten times a day for nine months followed by having a baby during midterms (did you know that I took 2 of my midterms at the hospital, because I did!) well to be able to graduate at the end of fall term 2010, which is already later that the end spring 2010 that I had originally planned on when moving down here, well in order for me to do that, it means 20 credits this term. I'm taking 5 classes. International Business, History of Contemporary Fashion, Textile Product Quality Assurance, Advanced Apparel, and Intro to Entrepreneurship (which will be my saving grace as is is my only lower division course) Its only been one week and I'm already exhausted. I spend most of my day at school then of course I feel like I'm missing out on spending time with my baby so I've vowed to avoid homework as much as humanly possible during his waking hours so I can focus all my energy and attention on his sweet little self. I spend 24 hours a week in classes, if we add in time it takes to get to and from school plus the few times where I have breaks between classes but that I am still away from Carson, I am away from him 32 hours a week. I realize thats still 1 day short of a full time job, but they say you're supposed to spend 2-3 hours out of class for every hour in class...so that puts me at 48-72 hours outside of class spent on homework...pfft, like that'll happen...there are only 168 hours in a week and if they want me to spend 48 hours (at a minimum) on homework, plus 24 hours in class...that doesn't leave a whole lot of time for things like playing with my kid, hanging ot with my husband, and you know all those luxurious extras like sleeping and showering, and maybe eating occasionally. Oh, and in case you didn't know I'm also participating in the spring fashion show, I have committed to do four dresses, they are due May 3rd, you know on top of the stuff that is due for my actual classes....

So if you don't see an update, know that I am studying, sewing, studying some more, taking my kid to park, hopefully sleeping every couple of days or so, or possibly passed out in my 4th cup of coffee for the day while attempting to read the 8 billionth chapter of whatever book for whatever class (I'm just hoping I don't fall asleep and the serger and slice my fingers off)

But please, if you do see me on here and I'm once again complaining about how tought this term is going to be and how tired I am and how much I wish I could spend every hour of every day with my sweet little Carson...remind that I'm thisclose, that I can't give up, and that I will be done this year! Do you know how soon that is? this year. Remind me that.

Smartypants

It was pointed out to me that my update on Carson may have been a little lacking :p So now is the part where I get to gush about my little boy as only a Mama can. He is SO smart! At last count Carson knew on over 60 words and he learns knew ones every day. He is definitely a talker (gee, wonder who he got that from?) He will babble on and on as long as you let him (and usually even longer!) Some of his favorite words are doggy, woof woof (which he says in reference to most any animal "kitty! woof woof!" "fishy! woof woof!" you get the drift), cracker, cheese, Ashley (our neighbor), baby, boobies (that on is particularly fun out in public...not), shoe (he's obsessed with taking his shoes on and off) and of course, every toddler's favorite word...NO! Carson loves to get into everything all the time, particularly anything I would rather he didn't get into...seriously, some days I'm not even sure why I buy toys for this child, I don't think he played with a single one of his toys today other than books, he loves to read. So basically, my little boy is fantastically amazing, he's super smart, definitely the cutest toddler I've ever seen, and oh he is a lovey little thing, he give hugs and kisses (closed mouthed even-most of the time anyway-so mama doesn't get covered in slober) and when he blows kisses he does it by kissing his hand then touching that hand to your mouth, its so cute!

976 blog posts is 1

Ok, ok...I know, I a terrible blogger! Carson is 16 months old now, my last post was SEVEN months ago! So here's a little bit of a recap...and I promise to try to post just a little more frequently, but I can't make any guarantees...

So in the last 7 months....Bryan turned 25, I threw him a surprise party, it was fun! Carson had his first birthday, I threw another party, it was even more fun! There was Thanksgiving, Brandon and Kellin and Aiden came to visit again, Carson and Aiden had a great time together! Then there was Christmas, New Years, I turned 22...and then there was school...and more school...and even more school!

Peanut Butter Playdough
Just like lots of toddlers, my little boy who used to eat nearly anything decided that it would be more fun to just be picky and not eat hardly anything. The hardest thing to get him to eat is protein, he has eaten meat exactly once in the last month, PB&J is hit and miss, as is cheese...so we were seriously lacking in the protein department. So what did we do? We made playdough! Not something I'll do on a regular basis unless I can find or come up with a less sugary recipe, but it was a super fun way to play together and get some peanut butter in Carson's tummy!


Playdough? OKAY!


I didn't just put it in my mouth Mommy!


Oh, I'm allowed to eat this playdough? YUM!


Ooooh, cookie cutter playdough!

Want to make some peanut butter playdough for your kids? It is super easy!
3 parts flour
1 part sugar
2 parts peanut butter
enough water to make it "playdough" consistency
mix it all together in a big bowl and HAVE FUN!


Bulema Redux
So remember I told you Carson was picky? Well before the no protein stage was the no veggies stage. It wasn't quite as bad as the no protein stage, he would still eat some things some times, but there was a good week or two where the ONLY way I could get the kid to eat a vegetable was to feed him morningstar veggie bites. If you don't know what those are, they basically look like chicken nuggets but instead of chicken, there is spinach and cheese inside. The only problem? There is only one place in Corvallis that sells them and after I bought both packages they carried, they didn't get any more in for weeks (and still haven't, I'm starting to think they don't make them anymore) So I decided to try to make my own. I bought a big container of spinach, I cooked a few cups of it down in a pan with just a touch of olive oil, then I mixed it with some feta and parmesean and rolled it into chicken nugget sized pieces and dipped it in egg wash and then in bread crumbs and into the oven on a cookie sheet until they were crispy. They were SO good! So why did I name them bulema redux? There are these yummy spinach and cheese filled pastry things that my grandmother makes, she taught my brother and I how to make them a couple of summers ago, they are freaking delicious, but they take all day to make, not to mention a little counter space (something for which we are seriously lacking) but these came out tasting pretty similar~not as good, but similar.



mmmm, Dinner!


Grad School
I applied for Graduate school. To get my masters degree in apparel design with an emphasis on functional apparel. I should find out any day now...so keep your fingers crossed for me, 'kay?


Sleep, Ear Infections, Weight Gain and Finally getting some teeth!
Anyone know where I can get some? Carson is sixteen months old. A 'good' night for us is him only waking up 3-4 times, an average night is 5-6 times, and a not so great night (like last night) is every single hour....its exhausting. I get up with the baby all night, then Bryan takes him in the morning so I can get some sleep. We're both exhausted...that word doesn't even cover it. I go to school and people there talk about how they're so tired because they've been living on 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night for 3 or 4 nights, it makes me want to scream because I would all but actually kill someone for 5 consecutive hours of sleep in one night, let alone 3 or 4 nights in a row! There are plenty of nights where I'd kill just to have had more than 2 total hours of sleep by the time 5:30 or 6am rolls around and Bryan gets up with him. Oh to be lamenting over only getting 5 hours of sleep! Carson is also nearing the end of his antibiotics for his 3rd ear infection in the last 2 months...oy, poor kid got my genes on that unfortunately :( On the bright side, he has finally hit a real growth spurt! He has gained 4 lbs in the last month, grown 1.5 inches and gone up a shoe size! Take that failure to thrive! Oh and teeth, Carson finally got his second tooth on Friday. Most toddlers his age are working on their molars, but not my kid, he was rocking the toothless grin until 15 months, and even now has the same amount of teeth (or less) than the itty bitty babies in his room at daycare.

Ok, that's enough catching up for now, I need some sleep.

My baby is 9 months old! How did that happen?

We had Carson's 9 month check up yesterday. He is 28.5" tall and 16lbs 1oz. He has fallen back off of the chart for weight, and that is a huge bummer. His doctor said that he thinks there is about a 75% chance that Carson just has a fast metabolism (he is Bryan's child afterall) and a 25% chance that there is a chrinic illness or other problem contributing to his lack of weight gain. He has been deemed failure to thrive based on his weight. Let the testing begin....

After his appointment we went to the hospital lab so he could get blood drawn and about a million blood screen/panels done. It was traumatic for us both for him to get his blood drawn, the poor thing has a bruise from it today, not that it slows him down any. His pediatricians office called this afternoon to let us know that one of the liver panels came back below the normal range, so he will be getting more testing done to figure out what that is about. We go in Monday morning for a VGUC, which is where they catheterize him and inject dye into his kindneys and to test for urine refluxing back into his kidneys from the urinary tract. Then we go back in to the pediatrician Thursday to go over all his test results and figure out where we go from there.

On the bright side, he is doing beautifully as far as development goes. He has hit all the milestones he should have so far and then some. He is finally sleeping a little better, he only wakes up 3-ish times a night now instead of every hour. He loves to explore and get into everything and he has the cutest laugh in the whole wide world!

Holy Poop!

This is Carson's new friend Bridget, he stole the cell phone from her...He likes her :)




No seriously, holy freaking poop! Carson wears mostly cloth diapers, although I do use disposables occasionally. Carson has never had a poop leak in cloth, and has only had wet leaks maybe 3 times, he has however, blown out of disposables PLENTY of times, but last night, oh it tops them all.

Carson was playing on the floor with his toys, I went into the other room where it was quiet to speak with a daycare provider, and Bryan was keeping an eye on the baby. Bryan thought Carson pooped, he checked his dipe and nothing, so he put him back down to play. Well he looked away for just a few seconds, then all of a sudden I hear "honey come here" followed by "oh my gosh Carson!!!" Thinking I may be missing some huge event (like perhaps first steps, we're thisclose to them) I ask the woman I am on the phone with to hold on a sec and go to see whats up. Carson is covered in poop! Thank goodness it was hot and he was playing in only a diaper, I can't imagine what the clothing would have looked like had he been wearing it...

There was poop on the floor that he had stepped in and smushed, poop all over the ottoman that he was PLAYING in! And the kid was covered! He had poop in his hands, poop on his tummy, poop on up and down his legs, thank goodness he didn't try to eat it! I quickly hung up the phone and we wiped of the big chunks and carried that baby straight to the bath to get hosed off and scrubbed (and scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed, blech!)

Oh the joys of parenthood....

We also went up to Tigard this week, it was a lot of fun seeing everyone and we took some cute pictures! Carson had his first experience in the big bathtub instead of the baby tub and he LOVED it, he also had fun playing with his pirate bath toys, so enjoy the pictures, they are my favorites!

Carson's Closet Designs, Stocking Friday!

I'm so so so excited to be stocking my store, Carson's Closet Designs, as part of the Simply Serendipity Congo this Friday. For those of you who don't know, a congo, short for conglomeration, is a grouping of multiple stores, which is great because not only do I get traffic from those looking for my stuff, I get traffic from those looking at my fellow congo members stuff! Some of the stuff I will have available is already up for preview here and the main page for the congo is here. This may or may not be all I will be stocking this time, it depends on how much more I get done by Friday morning. So go check it out, you know you want to :)

Carson has been teething (we think) so he has been extra clingy and cuddly, which aside from not getting any work done, I love because man do I love baby snuggles! He is finally chunking out a bit, which is a relief after all we have been through with his problems gaining weight. He's actually visibly getting bigger, which hasn't happened for some time. He is still quite skinny compare to the other babies we hang out with at playgroup, but he is starting to get little baby chub rolls on his thighs, and even though it takes a cloth diapered butt, his pants (generally) stay up now! He is cruising all over the furniture and his toys constantly. He is also starting to CLIMB! How did my baby get so big already? He's going to be quite the handful, not that we haven't known that since birth, but man this kid is fast! He is babbling all the time and we think he is on the verge of a first word, and every day its looking more and more like that word will be Dada, as he says it all the time while babbling (not knowing hes saying it of course) but never says that Mama syllables. He also sits on his knees to play with things now, which is pretty entertaining. He likes to be involved in everything we are doing, especially if what we are doing involves eating, using the phone, or using the computer. Even if he has just finished eating, if we are eating he looks at us like "Hey, I should be eating that, what do you think you're doing?" He also started doing the most pathetic, but cute, thing in the whole world, when he wakes up, he will roll on his tummy, crawl to the end of his crib that faces the door, grab onto the bars with both hands, and smush that little face as close to the bars as he can and whine, its really sad. I think is all thats new for now, ad even if it isn't, I need to go to bed!

A "friendly" letter to everyone from a very sleep deprived mommy

mmmmm! Chicken and squash!

Happy Father's Day Daddy! Thanks for picking out my hat!

They were having a very serious conversation.

A dress from Carson's Closet Designs.

Some soft-soled shoes from CCD.


I am exhausted. I get 1-3 hours of very interrupted sleep a night, followed by 2-3 hours of sometimes interrupted, sometimes not of sleep in the morning when Bryan takes Carson so I can get some rest. All added up, we are going on 8 months straight of, on average, 4 hours of sleep a night. In the last 7 months 3 weeks and 3 days, I can count the number of times I have had 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep on both hands, and the number of times I have had more than 6 hours total sleep in one night (uninterrupted or otherwise) on one, its a little depressing actually. But such is life sometimes, so I don't say all this to complain, I say it so you know where I'm coming from. I should also mention that for the past 4 1/2 months I have had to live dairy free, which honestly, it sucks, I don't know how vegans do it. I miss yogurt, I miss bagels and cream cheese, I miss bread that doesn't have seeds throughout it and weighs less than 8 lbs per slice. I think I'd be a little less bummed out about the fact that I can't have chocolate when I'm pms-ing if I had a little more sleep, but that is probably more than you wanted to know, so I digress.

Like I said, I'm telling you this so you can try to get an idea where I'm coming from when I say this next part...

Please, PLEASE, PLEASE, dear friends and family, STOP with the unsolicited parenting advice already.

YES, we have talked, at length, with our pediatrician about each and every one of Carson's issues from food allergies, to lack of weight gain, to lack of sleep. YES, we very much trust out pedi, if we didn't, we would not continue to see him and we would seek a second opinion. He is a top pediatrician, graduated from a top medical school, he still researches and is published in scholarly pediatric journals regularly, and to top it off, he has two small children so it really hasn't been so long since he's been through the baby stage, really, we love him.

NO, we do not need to see a specialist of any kind at this point for Carson's sleep issues. Yes, he wakes up frequently, and he is tough to put down. Part of this is likely just his personality, but a big part of it is the fact that for the first 3 1/2 months of his life, he was in a lot of pain from relux and his food allergies that we were, at that time, unaware of. For the first 3 1/2 months, he would wake up, we would try to put him back to sleep by rocking him or whatever, but ultimately, the only way to get him back down was to nurse. We now know that this was due to his reflux/food allergies, he would eat a small amount, it would reflux, he would want to nurse, which would temporarily quell the pain, but then a while later that would reflux as well, lather, rinse, repeat...Well this taught him the very bad habit of "the only way to fall asleep is to nurse" We have worked very hard to get him to go back to sleep just by being held/rocked, and while this still doesn't help the fact that I still have to get up each time he wakes as he doesn't know how to put himself back to sleep, it is a step in the right direction. So please, know that when I say he wakes up every hour (sometimes more) know that that is actually an improvement from where we were and stop knocking the fact that a textbook child would be sleeping more by now because Carson is anything but textbook.

Please don't tell me that formula would make him sleep better. No, actually, it wouldn't, but thanks for playing. Carson is severely allergic to dairy, and intolerant of soy when he has it directly (ie soy formula) Formula does not make it better, it actually makes it a lot worse, but thanks for telling me that the way I choose to feed my child is what is causing him not to sleep, and I've got to add, its really a nice boost to my self esteem for you to imply that the milk my child is getting is causing problems, thanks everyone, its nice to feel like I, and my body, are failing my son in yet another way, becuase the inability to give birth naturally, and the the fact that I unknowingly starved my child (literally) for the first 4 days of his life weren't enough, lets add my milk keeping him from sleeping to the list. Seriously though, cows milk is for baby cows, human milk is for human babies, and while I wont knock people for formula feeding, in fact without formula my sweet little Carson would have been failure to thrive right off the bat due to the fact that my milk didn't come in for 8 days, and as of day 4 (when we added formula)he had already lost 13% of his body weight, but lets not kid ourselves into thinking that formula, a substance derived from cows milk, which again, is made for baby cows, and synthetically manufactured to be edible by human babies is somehow better than human milk for a human baby.

You can tell me what you think of vaccinating, not vaxing, delayed vaxing, and why you think that, truly, I enjoy discussing people's views on vaxing, but PLEASE, for the love of all things holy, do not speak to me like I am ignorant or haven't researched my choice to vaccinate my son. Just because I choose to vaccinate does not mean that I am blindly following my pediatrician's advice, I have researched vaxing to death thankyouverymuch, and ultimately, we decided that it was right for our child. You can do whatever you see fit with your baby, but please do not tell me what to do with mine.

For the record, aside from the cold that Carson just got over, he is a VERY happy baby. Sure, he doesn't sleep well, but I've already explained to you why, and it surprisingly has very little bearing on his mood throughout the day. Carson smiles and laughs and plays all day long. Before we found out about his dairy allergy, he was very cranky all the time, it sucked for everyone involved, it really did. But he has been better for going on 4 1/2 months now, so please get it out of your mind that he is always fussy just because I complain about an off day, or nighttime sucking, or the fact that he was all kinds of unhappy while he had a cold. He is happy all the time, other than normal baby fussiness, you know those babies, they do tend to cry on occasion, so PLEASE don't tell me I need to talk to his doctor about his mood, or see a specialist to figure out what is "wrong" with my child. When was the last time you saw him for more than an hour, or at all, that you should be able to tell me how he acts all day, I'm with him basically 24/7, I think I know better, so please, please, pretty please with a cherry on top, for the millionth time, he is not fussy during the day anymore (barring illness of course) so stop thinking that I have this completely miserable child, I don't!

And one more thing...I'm glad that your child/friend's child/coworker's-neighbor's-little sister's-friend's-brother's baby sleeps 12 hours a night without waking up, good for them, but when you ask how I'm doing and I tell you I'm tired, then you ask why, and I tell you that too, it is just not the best time to bring up the fact that someone else's child sleeps like a dream, thanks.

And if you plan on suggesting any of the following books/sleep training methods, please don't. We have already tried Dr. Sears, The No-Cry Sleep Solution, The No-Cry Nap solution, The Baby Whisperer, Babywise, The Ferber Method (I still regret trying this one) and basically every other "method" out there to get out baby to sleep, none have worked, and yes we have gived each more than double what is reccomended in time that each book/method says it should be working by. I'm glad they worked for you, truly I am, but they haven't worked for us so please don't tell me how it will solve all my problems, I've tried it, and all I've ended up with is a whole lot of money wasted on books that I should really get around to selling on e-bay.

I don't want anyone to feel as though this rant is directed at them and them alone, I promise it isn't. This is directed at everyone who has given me unsolicited parenting advice regarding those things written about above, and I promise that each and every one of the issues just laid out has been commented on by at least two people, so really, this is not directed at anyone in particular, so please don't feel like it is.

Also, if your name is Cami, please disregard everything I just wrote, because you, dear cousin, have been there. You and your dairy allergic little Clarendon have gone through so much of what we have been through with Carson, so you can tell me anything you want to that you think might help because you actually get it.

Now that that is out of the way and off my chest, here is an update on Carson. We stopped supplementing with formula after a couple of days because Carson was having issues with the soy, turns out he does have an intolerance for it, it just isn't as severe as his dairy issues so I can eat it without enough getting into my milk for there to be a problem, but he can have it in the nice concentrated amount in soy formula. Despite not supplementing, he managed to gain 11 ounces in 10 days(this is nearly double what he gained in the last 3 months!) YAY!! The antibiotics worked wonders and his infection is now gone. His doctor thinks that he has likely had the infection for a while but the only sign was lack of weight gain, it is rare, but sometimes UTIs and kindey infections only manifest themselves in low weight gain, they dont always include the typical fever and other symptoms, so without his doctor's concern over his weight gain, we may not have known until it got even worse. His doctor ordered a kidney ultrasound, which we are waiting on radiology to schedule, just to make sure that he isn't having urine refluxing into his kidneys, which could cause problems and recurring UTIs/kidney infections, but we are hoping that this was a one time thing. If the ultrasound is clear then we will consider it to have been a one-time thing, but keep an extra eye out for low weight gain, unexplained fevers, and general unexplained, out of the ordinary fussiness, and if any of those occur then we will be immediately testing his urine to check for infection. If he does get another infection, then he will have a VGUC, which is a bit invasive (catheter, dye, etc) so we are holding off on it and hoping that this was one time and wont happen again.

Carson is reaching milestones like its going out of style. He can pull up from his tummy to standing in like a millisecond, he plays peek a boo all the time, he will stand, leaning his tummy against the coffee table and let go with both hands to play with a toy (or fabric, because its a toy too!) He cruises all over that coffee table too. Today he even tried to stand without holding/leaning on anything, but no success on that one yet.

My clothing, Carson's Closet Designs, is now a part of the Simply Serendipity Congo on Hyena Cart. Our next stocking is July 3rd, so my stuff wont be available until then, but you can check out the congo by clicking here you'll see Carson's Closet Designs on the list of vendors at the top of the page. There isn't anything on my page yet, but there will be soon, its very exciting!

It's finally Summer!

School is finally out for the Summer and it feels so nice to know that I get to spend nearly 4 months just hanging out with Carson and not having to worry about classes! Carson is learning so many new things and that is a lot of fun. He is moving all over the place, you look away for a second and he is well on his way to another room, it's pretty cute. He also loves to be standing and he can pull himself up. He has also taken a couple of wobbly steps while holding onto his crib or the coffee table.

We went to the doctor for another weight checkup on Tuesday and Carson still isn't gaining properly. He is now, at nearly 7.5 months old, only 15lbs 2.5oz. In the past 13 weeks, he has only gained a total of 8.5oz, which is barely anything for and infant. He has completely fallen off of the growth chart for weight, although he is still at the top of the charts for height at 28in. We have started supplementing with soy formula after two nursings per day to see if that will help him gain. They also ran a urine analysis to test for kidney problems that could be contributing to his low weight gain, but instead found that he has a UTI, so we are going to back in next week to test his urine again to make sure the infection is gone and to test for kidney problems. We then go back again in July to re-check his weight. We are hoping at that appointment to have significant weight gain from the help of the formula. If he is still not gaining properly then we move on to blood tests to figure out why exactly he is not gaining weight. Hopefully his appointment next week shows weight gain and no more infection, and we are really really hoping that our appointment in July shows enough weight gain to avoid blood tests, so keep your fingers crossed for us!

Thats about all that is new here for now, I'll post some new pictures just as soon as I find my camera adapter that I once again lost, I have some super cute ones of Carson's first swing ride at the park and first time in his baby pool, or rather his feet's first time in the pool as he was too freaked out to actually make is all the way in :)

It's been awhile...

This is Carson's teddy bear, Teddy

Eating with Daddy

This is the Atlanta Braves Diaper I made for Carson

Angry baby! I swear, he was totally fine until I pulled out the camera, then he flipped out and wanted to be picked up! Don't worry, I picked him up as soon as I took the picture :)

Oh dang, its sideways...this is another diaper I made for him :)

This term has been the most difficult yet and I haven't had time for much of anything, least of all blogging, so here is an update on the goings on around here :)

I have officially, as of about 5 minutes ago, withdrawn from my math class. Its like a huge ball of stress has just floated away and I feel so much better about the rest of this term now. I decided to take my required math class online, as I have done with any classes possible since Carson was born, so there was less time I either had to be away from him and pump (oh how I HATE pumping) or less class I had to bring him with me to. Well it was an exceptionally bad idea to take in online. There is no homework, so your entire grade is based on 2 midterms and a final exam. Well I managed to fail the first midterm. It was the first failing grade I have ever received in my life, and I knew after finishing the exam that it was coming. I figured out that just to pass the class (passing being a C- or better because apparently D stands for failing these days, but I digress) I would need to get very close to 100% on both my second midterm and final. The likelihood of this happening is next to nothing but I already paid for the class and I didn't want to drop it and have to pay for it a second time to take it on campus, so I thought, well I *might* pass, a miracle could happen, and if I don't well then I still have to pay for it a second time. But the more I realized that there was no way in heck I was passing, and I would inevitably have to pay for it a second time, I realized that I did not want to kill my near perfect GPA with a failing grade. It feels so much better not to have that class hanging over my head anymore...even if I do still have to take it next year.

Now onto more exciting things, because lets face it, most of the you, people who read my blog, are way more interested in whats going on with Carson than with me :) And I totally understand, he's way cuter and far more exciting! He is coming up on 6 1/2 months old and still hasn't even hit the 15 lb mark. We went to his 6 month appointment on Tuesday and he is 14 lbs 13.5 oz, yea that's right, I'm counting the half ounce! He has only gained 3.5 ounces in the last month. He has fallen from the 85th% for weight at birth, to the 50th %ile from about a week old until roughly 3 months, then to around the 20-25th%ile around 4 months and is now below 10%. We're not sure why isn't gaining like he should, but we are going back in just over a month to weigh him again and reassess his weight gain. He is still consistently in the 80th% for height at 27 inches tall! We are hoping his weight gain is just due to genetics seeing as Bryan is tall and skinny too, but on average babies double their birth weight by 6 months old and for Carson that would be weighing about 18.5 lbs, which he is nowhere near.

He is also still not a sleeper, its just not happening. He wakes up hourly all night and it is pretty exhausting. We have tried just about everything we can think of/have read about/have had suggested to us, and nothing works. I'm beginning to think that he is legitimately hungry that often seeing as he is having such a hard time gaining weight.

He moves all over now, you look away for one second and he's nowhere close to where he just was and off trying to play with something else. He also learned how to reach for people so that is fun because he will reach for people to hold him. And he LOVES baby Einstein dvds, they are pretty much the best thing ever for calming him down when fussy and I watched the first signs one with him and we did sign language together, ok I did sign language for him, but its fun and I'm hoping he will learn some of the signs soon if e watch it regularly and I do them for him whenever I am doing stuff.

More pictures

Mmmmm, carrots!
Being super stoked about his super cute faux hawk.
Being happy on his little tummy.
Trying to figure out that whole crawling thing....

How he fell asleep in his swing.